cost april 25,2005

it is very easy to
cleanse yourself
of unpleasant landscapes.
to forget that there
was a crime scene
when the blood is mopped
up and the chalk outline
has all but disappeared.
and the knick knacks
fallen book stacks placed
tidily on the shelf
the stained clothes
bleached downey and spring
fresh breezes in and rid
of all traces and physical evidence.

when all of the rubble
is carted away of what
once was two gleaming towers
city on a hill and somebody
elses loved one's have
taken their place in the cold
unforsaking earth
the tears are blotted
the sobbing gives way
to silence then spring
sunshine smiles and city sounds
this is when we strain
to remember

the houses are sold
after a time on the
market and the property
becomes a hot real estate
commodity and fortunate
such a great deal as
the memorials are manicured
the days are observed
we move on.
this is our nature.
we are resilliant
and temporary and
disposable.the path
plunges foward time
heals all wounds
we are immune after a while.

its easy to choke
emotion the suffering
on friday and the filmaker
really captured
the brutality
which is good-
we all remark
we all pledge
to be better
to think twice before foolishness
carnal thoughts and rush to judgements
and then sunday comes
in stark white and light blue
we fidget
we doodle
we wait to get through it all
we lapse,again,and forget
the torture the bloodiness the sheer horror
of that moment
of our actions
of humanity
what it cost.
holes in the hands-lashes-
agony so that i could
run my mouth off
careless and ugly
really put that target cashier in her place
(she had it coming,afterall)
justified-vindicated-
nobodies doormat.until
i see you on the floor
god man bathing my feet-
taking my insults
washing me clean.

i am culpable.
i am guilty.
i fail to surrender.and.hold.
onto silly pride
onward christian
army of hypocrites
pedestals and fire
brimstone eyes
hearts of stone and
me included-
right up there in front.
and this plays out
today in my pew
as i realize how i've carved you
into a graven little image
i've molded you to my specifications
i pull you out
when the bills are due
or i've got to walk out to my car alone at night
you are convenient
my pride renders you
powerless armslength
forgotten and i am
so very sorry.
unworthy and unfaithful
i mourn and i grieve
i make flustered promises
i wipe my bloody hands
on my black and white skirt y
ou hold out your arms
call me by name
and i am restored
clean.pledge my allegiance
we hold hands
the grip is tight
my arm gets tired and i begin
to let go as memory fades
the excuses fly
i aplogize,again,
for the wayward flesh
out of contol cowlick
the patched up knees
pressing on to the horizon
we exchange vows and i fail
you save i cry
you comfort i can not
escape.i remember.
glory be to you.