april 18,2005

death on a sunny day


tom died
yesterday
on what was
probably
the most
beautiful
day so far
this year.

i don't know if that is more tragic or not.
i usually prefer rainy bitingly cold weather
when you hear of a passing.
weather that seems like the angels are crying buckets
or like all is forsaken.rain that falls until the funeral

and then when it seems like the earth can not possibly hold any more
that the puddles will turn into rivers and the rivers will spill out into the roads and highways and biways it ceases.... and the sun comes in like the hero
unties the damsel from the train tracks.warms the swollen eyesockets.puffed out cheek bones and drops hope into our laps and we can't help but embrace it.


you can
literally
do nothing
else on
beautiful days
like these
you hear every
childs laugh
on the wind
hear the life songs
travel on her breezes
and it comforts.
restores and fills
in the cracks.
the gaping holes
left by the passing.

the tremendous
loss.the never
will be able
to smile or
enjoy anything,
again and you
feel guilty
because you already do.

because the brightness
and the sunshine
are hard to refuse.
we are thrown
for a loop.
because today
is sunny as well.

but tom suffered so.
and his wife was more tired
and spent then she
had ever been before.

so perhaps the hope and the calm and the restoration came early.
maybe the rain came last week when it was so apparent that they needed to
say goodbye.maybe the sunshine was a gift to tom- a peace offering
for not seeing florida one last time.

and so he fell into her arms and watched yesterday's beautiful new jersey sunset(we have them,too) and let go.and the warmth helped ease the cold and the light helped ward off the darkness and they kissed.

the tears
were their
rain and
tom slipped
into a sunset
all of
his own.