march 25,2005

passion day4


and i fight.
war.
battle.
against
flesh
and blood
tangible
and real
and principalities
and powers and
dark bedrooms
at 7.30 am
looking for
excuses
excuse me
for not
wanting to
get out of bed
rationalizing
arguing a pretty
good case of how
a ladies good friday breakfast
has really nothing to do with good friday at all.....

but if truth
be told i'm tired
too much talking
late at night
laying on your chest
as you ran your fingers
through my hair
and it was so nice
i looked for anything
to talk about so that i could keep this
polaroid frozen
so that my nose would not get cold
and eventually little boys needed
to be rescued from bad dreams
and it was just too hard to fight
my eyelids anymore
and so i'm awake 1/2 hour late
procrastinating
hen pecking blubberings
and hitting brick walls
bloodied and a little bit
woosy(better check my pupils)
and i realize

that like peter
who swore his staunch allegiance
like simon who swore he'd die for you
like the impulsive sweet
say anything apostle
who pledged his undying
love...

i,too,
hear the cock crow
more than three times
more like three lifetimes
i,too,
deny and rant and rave
and act like a madman when motives
are questioned and you
knock me off my self
righteous perch
i,too,live hands
in the palm
choking on regret
at my weakness
at my inability
to die to this flesh
day after daunting day and
i,too,hide
hoping that things
will turn out for the best
wracking myself
internal injuries
breathing prayers
of redemption
songs and hoping
that you are not through
with my endless failings...

and here you,are.
day upon day.
moment upon moment.
mercy upon mercy.
and you take your place
in history in my life
for this world and for
tiny,broken,me
and it flows...
and i'm restored...
and i come out of hiding...
because i hear you calling my name.