april 8,2005

won't you be my neighbor


my neighbor
whom i rarely
talk to
came over
and talked and talked
and i couldn't help but keep looking at her.
people from afar
can look so different
her hair was messy.
she had visible dark roots
and she just really kind of looked like a normal
frazzled mom.
i found this to be extroidinary
because the older i get
ithinkperhaps
the more paraniod
island unto myself
i really become.
and i was dumbfounded
because at a distance
she looked thinner and more polished and i assumed
(you know what
they say about
assumptions)
that because of the flashy cars
power suits at 9:00am when i am still
in my valentine pajama pants
that don't stay up
and any shirt that i had on the night before.
because of all of the brick work
the inground pool that they had put in over the summer-
that some how they were
out of my league
more grown up
more to offer and so i rarely looked up to wave as they drove by.

and i know that this all sounds
silly and shallow and terribly dumb
but i can't help it.
i spent the night replaying
the whole conversation and said
about a million times that i
couldn't believe how nice she was.
and i still can't believe
how wrong
how prejudiced i have become
how obstinate how scared
how ridiculous and so from now on
i'm determined to keep my eyes
on lafayette
and wave
and smile
and be what i am supposed to be.
onward and
june cleaver
and tupperware parties
and shared recipes
and thirty.
being a neighbor seemed alot easier in the fifties.