april 21,2005

selinsgrove


selinsgrove was this place where i felt whole.it was sleepy and remote enough to feel fictional and peter pan.the train tracks in the woods that led to nowhere.the smell in the air that made me feel as though i could finally breathe.we were barefoot bohemians among the barn cats.writers.and it felt like heaven to a wandering soul who had not seen beauty,felt peace or enjoyed love in quite a long time.i arrived like a wounded soldier.something straight out of 1940 something.bags in tow.ideals on a stick.tied neatly in a little hankerchief and i was worn out.tired of hardcore kids,scensters and boyfriends that pounded sense into me every other day.and yet,who somehow after four years still managed to forget my birthday. so i hopped that train to somewhere.an eight hour ride to paradise and found kindred spirits.fellow dreamers that danced on graves and abandoned their ghosts.fairy scheming and once upon a time days and haphazard wonderful nights.holding hands and counting stars.breaking up with what's his name over the payphone.and when he threatened to come up there and kill me.jeremy told him that he'd have to deal with him.and my heart leapt.i felt safe.protected and it didn't matter that this would only last for a week.it gave me enough stength for a lifetime(or until he wore down my resolve).my new found bravado.and the voices in my head sang in chorus with all of theirs and it was amazing and sacred.and i hold it in my hand like pennsylvania fireflies and it still flickers.calls and i still remember.from time to time-i catch myself dancing and feeling brave.along with the spirits of jessie-beautiful girls,and skinny intellectual boys full of poetry.prose and beat up suitcases full of tradgedies of their own.and it is fresh.and i can taste it.cherish it.pandora's stash for yesterday.today.tommorrow and for the train rides yet to come.